Anita’s experience: getting support with my finances when I’m not well

I’ll start by talking about my mental health issues: I suffer with depression and anxiety. And this talk is about my experience. Everyone is different and is affected differently by their mental health situations.

I have good days, bad days, bad weeks, bad months. For example, if I was trying to do this speech over the weekend, I wouldn’t have been able to stand here, because I couldn’t actually get out of bed. There comes a point with my depression that I can no longer cope, I cannot function. I bury my head in the sand. I may not recognise until it’s too late that I’m in this situation, and it can be like this for weeks.

I miss payments, I completely ignore correspondence. One thing I do is increase my unnecessary spending, because it sort of cheers me up. Packages start arriving. That’s normally the cue for my husband to recognise that there’s a problem. I used to let and manage multi-million pound government contracts for a living. And now, at times, I can’t actually manage a current account.

My husband had access to my account unofficially for years. He has my pin for debit cards so he can get cash out for me. Then he basically takes over the running of my account. He opens my post, checks my email, and makes sure everything’s going to be OK. When we first got together, we set up a joint account for our bills – I ran it, because I’m a complete control freak. But I had to hand that over as well. He’s more than capable of doing that, but it meant I had less control.

I can see it if I go on my app, but I don’t do anything with it. He does have a carer’s card, but not from the bank. It’s a general one, because I’ve got a physical disability as well as mental health problems. So he has that to give me support. But that’s not enough to get into a bank or a post office and ask for help or to access my account.

My bank has an app where I can declare my disability and ask for help with things. It’s useful, but it’s “all or nothing.” They can’t switch it on or off. And when I’m well, I don’t want anyone accessing my account. So I declared my physical disability, but I recognise not everyone sees mental health issues or neurodivergence as a disability.

But I declared my physical disability, but I’ve also mentioned mental health issues, and the fact that I’m autistic. So my bank is aware. What I think is needed is for the banks to advertise what help they have available and how to access it.

There needs to be the ability to take over when things are bad – perhaps a different card that identifies transactions on my statements, so that when I’m better, and more able to cope, I’m able to review what’s been spent.

We need banks to be proactive to report changes in spending habits to the trusted person. For example, when unnecessary spending goes to the roof, it will be useful for my husband to know in advance, rather than when the packages arrive on the doormat. Support for mental health is not a one size fits all, though, it cannot be, and it can actually be more damaging if it tries. It needs to be bespoke.

There also needs to be some sort of button on the bank app that you can basically hit if you’re struggling, so you let the bank know. But all of this has to be agreed in advance when someone is in a good place.

There is absolutely no point trying to deal with me when my depression is bad. I cannot make calls, I cannot use the app. More often than not I’m hiding in bed. There needs to be a trusted someone that helps you out. I’m very lucky that I trust my husband completely and I know he will do the right thing by my accounts.

There’s still a huge stigma with mental health, so staff that deal with people need to have a lot of understanding – and offer no judgement about the conditions, or the things that are being said. Perhaps the bank has a dedicated mental health phone line, where all the people answering from the phones are trained, so there’s actually no need to explain why you’re calling. 

You need to work with customers and be flexible, according to their needs. You cannot always see what’s going to be needed. Please, please treat customers as people, not just as numbers or account holders. Publicise the options that are available. We don’t know what we don’t know, and it can really help if we know there’s opportunities there. Be supportive, be empathetic and please don’t judge. 

Depression and anxiety, all the other mental health conditions, are invisible. You don’t see them, but they are there. They ebb and flow, and need to be managed. So please help your customers to manage them. Thank you for listening.